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Both Inside & Outside


Both Inside & Outside

i

It's weird though because it's not all the time, right?
It comes and goes. It's like
it comes in waves
that sometimes I feel like maybe
I'm on the perimeter of happiness and satisfaction
Am I satisfied?
I don't know
Am I joyous?
It's like
I feel like I'm existing but I'm not
Am I in there? Like
really joyous?
I don't know

Sunflower fields
forests
soil
like the smell of rain on soil
on earth
When it rains, you hear the rain on the roof

I would imagine exhaling
releasing

having no tension

Mmakgosi Kgabi

ii
Can I ask you a question?
Yes.
Is there ever a time
that you feel both
inside and outside
a place where you feel both
held and not held?
I feel both held and not held
by the queer
community

I made a decision
ten years ago
to live as a trans person

but I feel
the fact that I
don't take hormones makes me
insufficient
I am hearing you say:

the fact
that you don't take hormones
makes you feel
insufficient.
Yes

And also that there is a history
of millennia and millennia
of men oppressing
and enslaving women

and this
adheres
to my body
Roi Fischer
&
Adrienne Teicher

(HYENAZ)

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